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Jokes 2/13/2017
I have no good jokes to tell
1 Comments, 9 Views,
3 Votes
,4.41 Score
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My fav. Blonde joke 2/5/2017
. A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender, "Wanna
hear a blonde joke?"
In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, "Before
you tell that joke, you should know something. Our bartender
IS blonde and the bouncer is blonde. I'm a 6' tall
blonde, 200 lb black belt. The guy sitting next to me is a
blonde, 6' 2, weighs 225 and he's a rugby player.
The fella to your right is 6' 5" ...
2 Comments, 143 Views,
18 Votes
,5.58 Score
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Relatives??? 2/1/2017
Ernie asks Joe, "If I slept with your wife and had a
would that make us related?"
Joe says to Ernie, "No but it would make us even."
1 Comments, 56 Views,
12 Votes
,4.74 Score
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Funny joke 1/29/2017
Who else loves this joke ?
1 Comments, 41 Views,
0 Votes
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Furniture 1/20/2017
Man walks into a greengrocers and asks whether he has any
empty orange boxes as he wants to make furniture from them.
"Yes of course I do. There is a pile there . Take your
pick."
man checks the boxes & there are none that fit what he
wants. He then asks the grocer " Do you have any blood
orange boxes?"
" Sorry none of them at all. Why blood orange boxes
particularly?" ...
0 Comments, 87 Views,
9 Votes
,2.36 Score
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...payback... 1/16/2017
A family is at the dinner table. The asks the father,
“Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?” The father,
surprised, answers, “Well, , a woman goes through
three phases. In her 20s, a woman’s breasts are like melons,
round and firm. In her 30s and 40s, they are like pears, still
nice, hanging a bit. After 50, they are like onions.”
“Onions?” the asks. “Yes. You see them and ...
3 Comments, 98 Views,
9 Votes
,3.85 Score
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...always these questions... 1/16/2017
A mother is in the kitchen making dinner for her family when
her walks in. “Mother, where do babies come
from?” The mother thinks for a few seconds and says, “Well
dear, Mommy and Daddy fall in love and get married. One night
they go into their bedroom, they kiss and hug, and have sex.”
The looks puzzled so the mother continues, “That
means the daddy puts his penis in the mommy’s ...
3 Comments, 124 Views,
9 Votes
,4.07 Score
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The Priest's Question 1/14/2017
The priest in a small Irish village loved the rooster and
ten hens he kept in the hen house behind the church. One Sunday
morning, before mass, he went to feed the birds and discovered
that the cock was missing. He knew about cock fights in the
village, so he questioned his parishioners in church.
During mass, he asked the congregation, 'Has anybody
got a cock?
All the men stood up. ...
1 Comments, 56 Views,
6 Votes
,3.93 Score
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A joke 1/13/2017
Why do lesbians only shop at Sports Authority?
....... They don't like Dicks
1 Comments, 10 Views,
2 Votes
,3.81 Score
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Even more funny ones 1/12/2017
Q: Why is being in the military like a blow-job? A. The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel.
Q: What do you call a guy who cries while he masturbates?
A: A tearjerker.
Q: How can you tell which is the head nurse? A: She's the one with the dirty knees.
Q: Which of the following words does not belong: meat, eggs,
wife, blowjob. A: Blowjob. You can beat your ...
2 Comments, 32 Views,
4 Votes
,5.57 Score
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...insurance... 1/10/2017
The Queen visits a new hospital... She is shown around first by a nurse so she can inspect the
facilities.
On her way, she hears orgasmic groans coming from a nearby
room.
She goes to the room to investigate and, upon arriving,
finds that a man is masturbating on the bed.
She asks the nurse "Why is that man doing that?"
The nurse replies "Oh, he's got to ...
4 Comments, 96 Views,
9 Votes
,3.85 Score
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Spanish Magician 1/9/2017
A Spanish magician was ending his show and said, "On
the count of three I will disappear. Uno, dos -" then
*poof!* he disappeared without a tres.
3 Comments, 84 Views,
15 Votes
,3.44 Score
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Ornaments 1/9/2017
Do you know why ornaments are addicted to christmas?
They are hooked on trees
1 Comments, 14 Views,
6 Votes
,3.37 Score
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3 to think about 1/5/2017
Why do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in our driveways
and put our useless junk in the garage?
Why can’t women put on mascara with their mouth closed?
Why don’t you ever see the headline ‘Psychic Wins Lottery?’
2 Comments, 35 Views,
4 Votes
,4.02 Score
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presidential wives 12/30/2016
The wives of four presidents and prime minister are talking
together about how a penis is called in their language.
The wife of Tony Blair says in England people call it a gentleman,
because it stands up when women are entering.
The wife of Boris Yeltsin says in Russia you call it a patriot,
because you never know if it will hit you on the front or on
the back side.
The ...
1 Comments, 79 Views,
9 Votes
,5.14 Score
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...a stroll through the woods... 12/27/2016
Three friends stroll through the woods - suddenly a man
appears between the trees looking exactly like Jesus...
the first one approaches the man and asks - "are you
Jesus"? And the man responds YES - can I help you my
?
Yes the First one says - I have terrible pain in my elbow.
So Jesus lays his hand on the elbow and the man is healed!!!
The Second one encouraged limps ...
0 Comments, 72 Views,
5 Votes
,2.49 Score
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Reincarnated 12/27/2016
I tried to explain to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated but you come back as a different creature.
She said that when she dies she would like to come back as a cow.
I told her she obviously wasnt listening...
2 Comments, 42 Views,
5 Votes
,3.80 Score
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Jokes 12/23/2016
do you guys have any good jokes
1 Comments, 8 Views,
1 Votes
,2.40 Score
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robot 12/21/2016
A dad buys a lie detector robot that slaps people when they
lie. He decides to test it at dinner. ", where were
you today?" The says "at school dad."
Robot slaps the ! "Ok, I watched a dvd at my friends
house!" "What dvd?" "Toy story."
Robot slaps the again! "Ok, it was a porno"
cries the . "What! When I was your age I didn't
know what porn was" says the dad. Robot slaps the dad!
Mom laughs ...
2 Comments, 71 Views,
8 Votes
,5.10 Score
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It's a Joke 2 12/20/2016
Its important to have a woman who helps at home, cooks, cleans
and has a job. Its important to have a woman who can make you laugh. Its important to have a woman you can trust and who would
never lie. Its important to have a woman who is good in bed and likes
being with you. Its absolutely important that these four women never meet.
3 Comments, 46 Views,
6 Votes
,4.79 Score
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I love blonde jokes 12/20/2016
One day a blond walks into a doctors office with both of her
ears burnt. The doctor ask's her what had happened.
She says, "well... when I was ironing my work suit
the phone rang and I mistakanly picked up the iron instead
of the phone. "Well that explains one ear, but what
about the other." "The bastard called again"
2 Comments, 40 Views,
6 Votes
,5.36 Score
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Indian on horseback 12/15/2016
A woman from New York was driving through a remote part of
Arizona when her car broke down. An American Indian on horseback
came along and offered her a ride to a nearby town. She climbed
up behind him on the and they rode off. The ride was
uneventful, except that every few minutes the Indian would
let out a Ye-e-e-e-h-a-a-a-a' so loud that it echoed
from the surrounding hills and canyon ...
2 Comments, 138 Views,
9 Votes
,4.71 Score
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a little humor 12/15/2016
A man is working a a dildo store, when a brunette walks in.
She asks him how much for the black dildo? He replies $50
for the black one, $50 for the white one. She leaves without
purchasing anything. A red head walks in and asks him how
much for the white dildo? He replies $50 for the white one,
$50 for the black one. she doesn't buy anything. A blonde
enters the store and asks him how much for a ...
1 Comments, 129 Views,
8 Votes
,5.10 Score
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permanent erection 12/14/2016
A man walked into a drug store and asked to talk to a male pharmacist. The woman he was talking to said that she was
the pharmacist and as she and her also single sister owned
the store, there were no males employed there. The woman pharmacist assured him that she was completely professional
and whatever it was that he needed to discuss. The man agreed
and began by saying, "This is tough for me ...
2 Comments, 131 Views,
9 Votes
,5.14 Score
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A Love Story 12/12/2016
A man was lying in bed with his new girl friend. After having
great sex she spent the next hour just rubbing his testicles.
This was something he loved having done.
As he was enjoying it he turned to her and asked, “Why do
you like doing this so much?”
She replied, “Because I miss mine so much!”
I TOLD YOU IT WAS A LOVE STORY!!!!
2 Comments, 59 Views,
5 Votes
,2.82 Score
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Advice for an old guy.... 12/10/2016
He was working out at the gym when he spotted a sweet young
thing walking in....
He asked the trainer standing next to him, "What machine
should I use to impress that lady over there?"
The trainer looked him over and said; "I would recommend
the ATM in the lobby."
2 Comments, 52 Views,
8 Votes
,4.64 Score
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laugh 12/9/2016
I asked a Chinese girl for her number. She said, "Sex!
Sex! Sex! Free sex tonight!" I said, "Wow!"
Then her friend said, "She means 666-3629.
2 Comments, 69 Views,
12 Votes
,2.80 Score
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Ah....Oh....!!!... 12/9/2016
The doc told a guy that masturbating before sex often helped
men last longer during the act. The man decided, "What
the hell, I'll try it, " He spent the rest of the
day thinking about where to do it before he got home to his
wife. He couldn't do it in his office. He thought about
the restroom, but that was too open. He considered an alley,
but figured that was too unsafe. Finally, he realized ...
3 Comments, 157 Views,
16 Votes
,5.04 Score
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It's a Joke 12/8/2016
A salesman goes up to a house and knocks on the front door.
It is opened by a little ten year-old boy who has a lighted
cigar in one hand, a glass of whiskey in the other and a Penthouse magazine
tucked under his arm.
Salesman: "Hello . Is your mom or dad home ?"
Little boy: "What the fuck do you think?"
1 Comments, 63 Views,
10 Votes
,5.38 Score
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Glazed donuts...???... 11/27/2016
Q: Who's the most popular male at a nudist colony?
A: The one who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen
doughnuts.....
2 Comments, 30 Views,
8 Votes
,3.48 Score
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