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hahaha just had to get this one off my chest. 12/28/2008
My ex seemed to have found the answer to getting me to swing
with her..
she read on the dance's website that you tell your partner
over and over that you desperately want to watch them have
sex with someone else... word for word off the site. no originality
whatsoever...
what did she think i wouldn't figure it out eventually
and read the website?? lol
just had to put ...
4 Comments, 121 Views,
3 Votes
,0.49 Score
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LIFE OF THE PARTY 11/24/2008
After attending a party for his boss, the life of the party
was nursing a king-size hangover and asked his wife, "What the hell happened?"
"As usual, you made an ass of yourself in front of your
boss, " replied the wife. "Piss on him, " answered the husband. "You did, " said the wife, "and he fired
you." "Well, fuck him, " said the husband. "I did, and you go back to work ...
3 Comments, 155 Views,
7 Votes
,4.06 Score
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Scammed 11/23/2008
Met a women online and invited her out for dinner and a night
out on the town. She was a very attractive women around my
age and we seemed to be hitting it off.
After dinner we hit some night spots and I was thinking that
I was going to get lucky the first night, not that it was important
because I really wanted to see this lady again.
Well as the night came to a close and we ...
2 Comments, 160 Views,
6 Votes
,2.51 Score
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Tips For Sex 11/12/2008
Remember, if you smoke after sex you're doing it too fast.
Sex between 2 people is a beautiful thing; between 5 it's fantastic.
Sex between a man and a woman can be absolutely wonderful
- provided you get between the right man and the right woman.
Sex is like having dinner: sometimes you joke about the ...
0 Comments, 95 Views,
6 Votes
,4.50 Score
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smelly !!!! 10/31/2008
A guy walks into an elevator and stands next to a beautiful
woman. after a few minutes he turns to her and says "
can I smell your pussy? " The woman looks at him in disgust
and says, " Certainly not! " "Hmmm"
he replies. It must be your feet then.
4 Comments, 244 Views,
8 Votes
,3.94 Score
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Having to pee really bad during sex 10/22/2008
Don't you just hate it when you could be lying in bed
asleep, or just coming home after a hard day at work, or your
man/woman is just being spontaneous at the time? He/She
decides that they want a sample. Then all of a sudden it hits
you that you haven't been to the bathroom in a few hours
and natures calling, but the sex is so good that you don't
want to stop! Has this ever happened to ...
2 Comments, 199 Views,
12 Votes
,4.57 Score
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STAGES OF MARRIED LIFE 10/20/2008
1: Tri-weekly 2: Try weekly 3: Try weakly 4. Try oysters 5: Try anything 6: Try to remember
0 Comments, 68 Views,
6 Votes
,1.94 Score
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hmmmmmmm.... 10/14/2008
A woman and her friend are visiting the zoo. They are standing in front of the big silver back gorillas
cage, when one woman makes a gesture that the gorilla interprets
as an invitation. He grabs her yanks her over the fence and
takes her to his nest in the pen. There he ravishhes her and makes passionate love to her
for about 2 hours till he is tranquilized, and the lady taken
to hospital. ...
0 Comments, 187 Views,
5 Votes
,5.75 Score
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GOLF TO IMPRESS 10/10/2008
Bob stood over his tee short on the 18th hole for what seemed
like forever. He'd waggle, look down, look up, but never
start his backswing. Finally David, his playing partner, asked, "Why
on Earth are you taking so long to make this shot?"
"My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse,
and I want to make this shot a good one, " said Bob.
"Good Lord, " said David, "you ...
0 Comments, 72 Views,
3 Votes
,1.96 Score
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OMG! 9/26/2008
Wife comes home to find the old man shagging the in the
front room. "My God Henry", she screams, "I know you've
had other woman but this time you've gone too far!"
"You may be right" he says, "I think I'm
stuck."
1 Comments, 220 Views,
5 Votes
,2.82 Score
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why guys of corse gals also look4 relationship n when 9/16/2008
it is a silly question but why a well knit knit united family
member looks for relationship cos of fun fantassy bore of same way of sex or need more lust
in life and at what age is it safe ...
1 Comments, 33 Views,
1 Votes
,2.40 Score
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Make an Impression 9/13/2008
HOW TO IMPRESS A WOMAN... compliment her, cuddle her, kiss her, caress her, love her, stroke her, tease her, comfort her, protect her, hug her, hold her, spend money on her, wine & dine her, buy things for her, listen to her, care for her, stand by her, support her, go to the ends of the earth for her....
HOW TO IMPRESS A MAN... show up naked, bring beer.
2 Comments, 58 Views,
4 Votes
,4.80 Score
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o my 9/12/2008
A young couple decided to wed. As the big day approached,
they grew apprehensive. Each had a problem they had never
before shared with anyone, not even each other.
The Groom-to-be, overcoming his fear, decided to ask his
father for advice. "Father, " he said, "I am
deeply concerned about the success of my marriage."
His father replied, "Don't you love this girl?"
"Oh ...
2 Comments, 86 Views,
3 Votes
,1.96 Score
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bedroom golf....you gotta love it !!! 9/12/2008
1. Each player shall furnish his own equipment for play
- normally one club and two balls. 2. Play on a course must be approved by the owner of the hole.
3. Unlike outdoor golf, the object is to get the club in the
hole and keep the balls out. 4. For most effective play, the club should have a firm shaft.
Course owners are permitted to check shaft stiffness before
play begins. 5. Course owners ...
1 Comments, 65 Views,
5 Votes
,4.12 Score
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man are like... 9/11/2008
... Blenders. You need one, but you're not quite sure why.
... Chocolate Bars. Sweet, smooth, and they usually head right for your hips.
... Coffee. The best ones are rich, warm, and can keep you up all night
long.
... Commercials. You can't believe a word they say.
... Computers. Hard to figure out and never have enough memory.
... Coolers. Load them ...
2 Comments, 82 Views,
21 Votes
,2.51 Score
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Do you still get horny? 8/26/2008
Two elderly ladies are sitting on the front porch in Bonita
Springs, doing nothing.
One lady turns and asks, 'Do you still get horny?'
The other replies, 'Oh sure I do.'
The first old lady asks, 'What do you do about it?'
The second old lady replies, 'I suck a lifesaver.'
After a few moments, the first old lady asks, 'Who drives
you to the beach?'
2 Comments, 173 Views,
12 Votes
,3.51 Score
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How to tell if your a swinger 8/20/2008
100 Ways to tell if your a swinger 1. You are wearing wristbands in most of your vacation photos.
2. Half of the numbers on your cellphone are listed only
by screen names. 3. You are running out of reasons to tell your coworkers
why you can't go out with them this weekend. 4. You have over 100, 000 frequent flyer miles on Air Jamaica.
5. You know most of your friends' names only as couples
(Rich ...
1 Comments, 116 Views,
7 Votes
,4.57 Score
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Vibrators are fore fun 8/20/2008
In 1992 I went hospital to give birth to my lovely
( who is now 16 ) but when I was away my mother-in-law decided
to get me some clothes out of my cupboard. To my horror my
lovely husband had put my one and only big black vibrator
on top of the clothes she chose for me to put on. Mind you I
would have hope in hell of fitting into the dress but on top
of that she would have had to move my ...
2 Comments, 225 Views,
6 Votes
,3.37 Score
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short but funny 8/13/2008
What did the alcoholic do with his first 50 cent piece? He married her ...
2 Comments, 75 Views,
9 Votes
,3.64 Score
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40 MISTAKES MEN MAKE WHILE HAVING SEX WITH WOMEN 8/9/2008
I posted this under My other nic on American Sex Dates I just had to bring
it over here to Xmatch.
This is what I was told by a woman so I guess it is true..
Guys take a little time to read ALL of this. You might
be surprised just how true it is.
1) NOT KISSING FIRST. Avoiding her lips and diving straight
for the erogenous zones makes her feel like you're ...
5 Comments, 209 Views,
17 Votes
,6.52 Score
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Age of consent - not cuumulative! 7/19/2008
Carbon here - American Sex Dates self proclaimed resident sex and relationship
advice guru.
THIS WEEK: Twins!
A warning for all you lovers out there - when on the rather
sensitive (and provocatively imaginative) subject of
twins, there are a few important, but often overlooked
issues that need to be addressed. These tips have been researched
dilligently by myself and others in my relationship ...
1 Comments, 128 Views,
25 Votes
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THE DREAMER 7/13/2008
After she woke up, a woman told her husband, "I just
dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine's day.
What do you think it means?"
"You'll know tonight." he said.
That evening, the man came home with a package and gave it
to his wife. Delighted, she opened it - to find a book entitled
"The meaning of dreams"
2 Comments, 293 Views,
5 Votes
,2.82 Score
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halloween costume 7/6/2008
On the night of a Halloween costume party a couple were having
trouble picking suitable outfits. After a while the wife
got mad and stormed out of the room. Fifteen minutes later she came
back completely naked execpt for a lemon between her legs.
The husband looked at her for a moment and then stormed out
of the room himself. Twenty minutes passed and then he came
back himself with a ...
2 Comments, 110 Views,
3 Votes
,4.41 Score
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HOW TO MAKE WOMEN HAPPY...? 7/4/2008
How To Make Women Happy... The Point System (advice according to women)
In the world of romance, one single rule applies: Make the
woman happy. Do something she likes and you get points.
Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted. You
don't get any points for doing something she expects.
Sorry, that's the way the game is played.
Simple Duties: You make the bed (+1) You ...
1 Comments, 126 Views,
17 Votes
,0.86 Score
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a picture is worth a thousand words.... 7/3/2008
A wealthy man sat in his attorney's office. "Do you want the bad news first or the terrible news?"
the lawyer asked. "Give me the bad news first." "Your wife found a picture worth a half-million dollars."
"That's the bad news?" the man asked incredulously.
"I can't wait to hear the terrible news."
"It's of you and your mistress."
4 Comments, 138 Views,
6 Votes
,3.65 Score
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watch what you wish for...... 7/3/2008
A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his
wife stayed home. He wanted her to see what he went through,
so he prayed:
'Dear Lord: I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while
my wife merely stays at home. I want her to know what I go through,
so please allow her body to switch with mine for a day Amen.'
God, in his infinite wisdom, granted the man's wish.
...
5 Comments, 171 Views,
13 Votes
,4.99 Score
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next??? 7/2/2008
HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED
Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the
ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next."
They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
1 Comments, 103 Views,
11 Votes
,5.04 Score
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men and women 7/1/2008
What is the difference between men and women?
A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need. A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need.
1 Comments, 50 Views,
3 Votes
,2.94 Score
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playboy centerfold 7/1/2008
Playboy is coming out with a new magazine for men who are
married.
Every month the centerfold is the exact same woman.
1 Comments, 71 Views,
4 Votes
,3.25 Score
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hmmmmmm..... 6/13/2008
A guy was trying to console a friend who'd just found
his wife in bed with another man. "Get over it, buddy, " he said. "It's
not the end of the world." "It's all right for you to say, " answered
his buddy. "But what if you came home one night and caught another man in bed with
your wife?" The fella ponders for a moment, then says, "I'd
break his cane and kick his seeing-eye in the ass."
2 Comments, 98 Views,
3 Votes
,3.92 Score
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