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Does it matter if a guy is married but still looking for sex? If the guy is upfront about being married, not hiding it, should it matter? There are many people on this site (single & married) (male & female) who seem to just be looking for some NSA sex, so what should be the problem? I would think that would maybe even be desired if you don't want to get tied into anything. As long as you both know going into it of course.

So anyway, looking for opinions on the subject.

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UPDATE!!!!! UPDATE !!!!! UPDATE!!!!!
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Hello All,
First please let me say THANK YOU to all of you who have contributed to this topic by posting your thoughts and opinions. Very much appreciated to have such a great response. So thank you!

After reading through all the responses it seems clear that there is an over-whelming majority who are NOT in favor of having a sexual relationship with a married person, NSA or otherwise (without the spouse’s consent). There is a spectrum of opinion but if forced to answer either yes or no I think the numbers would be overwhelming for NO.

I can understand that and accept it. There is a lot at risk for everyone involved in such a situation, from STD’s, to money, to husbands (or wives) with guns. But I guess the biggest risk (depending on the situation) is the emotional toll. First for the spouse who finds out he/she is married to a person who has not been faithful; then for everyone involved (including the “other” person) and even for those not involved ‒ like . Any trust in a marriage will be lost immediately and once that is gone there is little hope for its survival. Years could go by before those involved recover from the emotional nightmare that could result.

So, I guess you all have the right and safe attitude if nothing else. You all have really helped clarify some things in my own mind. I do/did have reasons for being on this site, mainly a major lack of sex at home. But I guess as one person put it ‒ if I spent as much time at home chasing sex maybe I wouldn’t need to be here. Maybe…

I will refrain from listing my specific issues to avoid the appearance of trying justify why I would look for a sexual relationship outside my marriage. So I will say simply that I have decided NOT to look which in MY mind leaves me with the following choices:

1. push hard to try to figure out what is wrong with our sex life and try to fix it

Really there are no other choices. If this effort fails then the real choices remain:

1. stay in the marriage, watch a lot of porn and masturbate heavily
2. stay in the marriage, have a sexual relationship outside the marriage with all the associated risks involved
3. get out of the marriage and deal with all the emotional, financial and other damaging consequences of a divorce for me, my (ex) wife and .

So there is my humble opinion and response to all of your input.

I think I will be leaving my profile on the site (after some revisions) but only to possibly develop some friendships and to maybe come back to the well for some more opinions as my sex OR sexless life unfolds.

Again, thanks to all of you who provided your opinions on this issue. And to be sure it is everyone’s opinion ‒ as the old saying goes ‒ opinions are like assholes, everyone has one. Right or Wrong and that is how we life our own lives.

Don

P.S. Sorry for such a looong post.

BUT!!! The two adults had better be completely up front and honest with each other. Not being truthful about marrital status and other such IMPORTANT things is morally WRONG, no matter what your morals are.

I have my morals, and you have yours. I WILL NOT tell you yours are wrong, but I may tell you yours differ from mine. In my case, if I WERE going to persue sex with a married women, I'd demand to meet her husband, check his ID, and get 10 notorized copies of a stastement that said he thinks it great for me to fuck his wifes brains out. Not a likely scenario. LOL And I'd still be worried for the next 20 years that he'd change his mind and be looking for me with his shotgun.

If two people agree to have extra-marital sex, then go for it. But if any dishonesty is involved, from either person or with his/her spouse, expect WAY more misery that the moments of bliss were worth. Rent a hooker instead. Far less risk. LOL

Hawk

I've been the one left at home by a cheating partner. Is is not a feeling I would wish to cause somebody else.

kiki

So there are marriages out there which have effectively ended, it just has not been formalized through the courts.

Since coming here, though, and I know I've said this before, my horizons have broadened quite a bit. With no disrespect, and eliminating from consideration, the hound dogs and hoochies with zero self control and a burning desire to notch their headboards; I never before considered the sexual implications for the physically active spouse whose wife has Alzheimer's, or the wife of a man struggling with cancer, who has no remaining interest in physical intimacy. Pretty much everyone has a story....and many of their arguments are very moving.

Over and over again, I've read about and talked to people who are searching for physical contact and some form of connection, which brings them release. It has occurred to me, on more than one occasion, that perhaps there may, in fact, be extenuating circumstances even for something as serious, and potentially lethal to a relationship, as cheating.

So, my feelings on the subject have morphed into something new. I think that every individual knows the boundaries of their marriage vows, and the potential for harm to their relationship if they step outside them.

My questions have now evolved to...Who will be hurt by your decision to cheat? YOU may know, and the person you're cheating with may know what's going on, and y'all may be in agreement. The thing is, there're more people involved in most relationships than that. Honesty is only really honesty, if everybody involved knows the truth. Is the risk of losing what you have, worth the pleasure of something casual and/or transient? Finally, can you live with the consequences of your actions?

Whatever you decide, good luck to you.

Actually when it comes to marriage, a new study, "What's Love Got to Do with It," reveals that love isn't what makes couples live happily ever after. Researchers from the Australian National University followed 2,500 couples--both married and living together--for six years from 2001 to 2007 to determine which couples stuck together and why. They found that it takes a lot more than love for a relationship to last.

A story on MSN.com offers a summary of what researchers found and outlines the factors that played a significant role in whether a marriage succeeds or fails:

Blending families: 20 percent of marriages with kids from prior relationships end in divorce.

Second/third marriages: 90 percent of these couples are likely to separate or divorce.

Age: If a man is under 25 when he marries or if he's nine or more years older than his wife, he's twice as likely to get a divorce than a man who is older than 25 or closer in age to his wife.

Desire to have children: If the women has a much stronger desire to have kids than her spouse, the marriage is not likely to succeed.

Relationship status of parents: If couples come from separated or divorced parents, 17 percent were headed toward the same result, as compared to 10 percent who come from stable homes.

Smoking: Relationships in which only one person smokes is also a factor toward failure.

Money: The root of all evil? Well not exactly, but 16 percent of self-reported "poor" relationships in which the man -- not the wife -- was unemployed ended in separation or divorce. Only 9 percent of couples who had a healthy bank account went south.

Factors found to not significantly affect separation risk included the number and age of children born to a married couple, the wife's employment status and the number of years the couple had been employed.

... according to a study by researchers from the Australian National University.

These were just excerpts from the study paper.

The study paper is available on line,

Oddly, extra marital affairs was not mentioned as a factor for separation.

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The curse of an overseas work is that most can't have it all. From the financial gain, one's relationship has to suffer. I've yet. And I repeat I've yet to know any one married male acquittance ( and I have lots from all age and race)who have not cheated. The women, too , on average 75% do play around. It only reaffirms that many make a mockery of what I hold high.

Same reason why the M word is something I'd been dodging. I know what the statistics are, and I know that until I live that life I could not put a full stop on how I view extra marital affairs. However, I know too that it should be "to have and behold from this day on, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; until death do us part.”

Moral issues certainly but what health issues that don't apply to everyone in multiple or serial sexual relationships?

Wanna has a very good response and view of the situation and has identified the core issues and concerns.

This is an issue that will never be "finally" resolved. It has always existed and will always exist. Every man and woman and every relationship is unique. Not all cheaters are created equal. If you feel the need to pass judgement on someone, you need to have full knowledge of the individuals involved and the interactions between them. No one has that much knowledge of anyone but themselves and maybe not even that.

I would not want to be present while she is having sex with someone else while I cannot participate. That would only add to the pain I would already feel about my inability to perform.

Well said.

I fully agree with you ... except with the use of the word "cheat". The word is "sharing".

Let's leave that word to those who are "looking over the fence" and wanting. amp;

It is always amazing that "critics" are usually those who have not BT DT or know how to keep balance successfully.

On size does NOT fit all.

Openagenda

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Come visit openagenda: provocative thought, adult discussions, sexy pics & giggles.
Is This How
Friday The GET IT ON Solution
MASSAGE exploring partners
SEDUCTION
Love What is it
Relationship Rules
Trust and other Issues
Essence Be In Tune
Does Size Matter The Facts
Hand in Hand

I can not have an affair with a married woman. It is as far2 said, there is someone going to be hurt. I HAVE BT DT, well, done to not by. Perhaps if I had looked at what happened with my 2nd wife as she was sharing rather than cheating, it would have been less of a blow to the gut.

Now I suppose you can ask, "well what if the husband knows and doesn't care?" That doesn't help me. True, this is a personal feeling, but it is what it is.

I certainly can't rationalize it away by calling it something else. When it comes to love and affection, I'm not the type who is willing to share. And if I've committed myself to having sex with a lady, I've already arrived at some level of love and affection. I would have made that decision, partially based on her being single and available to me in all ways.

This all is not to say that I judge others, I do not. What this all means is that I would judge myself, and I'm afraid that is none to favorably already.