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ManwranglerJen
 
I don’t even remember what was originally here, but I will try to match it. I’m Manwranglerjen. I can also be found at Phillygirljen and LiteraryJen. Feel free to find and follow me.
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Something in the way he smiles at me
Posted:Oct 18, 2020 4:48 pm
Last Updated:Oct 19, 2020 5:21 am
1155 Views

Sometimes I will meet him where he is waiting for me and see the smile spread across his face. Sometimes I will glance up at him when we are already together and find him staring at me with an incredibly warm smile. These smiles are not merely a closed mouth smile. No, they’re smiles that show his teeth and shine in his eyes. Each time I’ve seen him smile like this, I’ve felt shy. I babble. I fidget. I even try to look busy doing nothing. It’s disarming. I think I’ve discovered the cause of my reaction, though. I had actually been looking for something related to things people do subconsciously, and something popped up to do with smiles. I read that men, or boys, stop smiling with full teeth smiles somewhere around the age of five. They may smile for a photo, but most of their smiles are either half smiles or with closed mouths. Apparently, when men smile showing their teeth, it means they’re happy and like the person they’re smiling at (or possibly confident). I think that’s why his smile catches me off guard. It’s so big and genuine and maybe even rare. And he probably doesn’t know he’s doing it or what it could mean. I’ve seen photos of him before he met me. I’ve seen candid shots and photos with his family and his exes. I knew he was supposed to be happy based on the circumstances, but never have I seen that look on his face. Indeed, I’ve seen him smile at me with something I’d have considered pure happiness, but even those smiles are nothing like the smiles mentioned above. We’ve never mentioned having feelings for one another. Indeed, we’ve spent months, now, playing and talking and getting to know each other, but there’s been no discussion of taking things to another level. But every time I see that smile, I think there’s something more to it. Maybe there’s something more than he even realizes. And the research seems to suggest that I’m right.
4 Comments
Something More Than A Good Time
Posted:Oct 17, 2020 5:00 pm
Last Updated:Oct 18, 2020 8:08 am
1383 Views

You were so playful that it was just cute. You kept smacking my ass and flogging and you seemed take such delight in it. I asked you if you were having fun, and you exclaimed “I am!” And there was genuine glee in your voice. At one point, you said my ass was hot. And in more ways than one. There was so much laughter in you last night. I know it was mostly because you were excited about buying a new car and not because you were naked with me, but I was pleased be sharing the moment with you. I love the fact that you and I have reached the point that we have history. There were similarities between last night and some of our previous experiences. The first was that I was my cycle, as was the case with our very first night. You were a bit methodical and careful with placement, but I still felt your tongue dancing around my clit. And then there was the instance of how I was beneath you, my mouth filled with your cock, and you somehow kept maneuvering yourself to where we were in a 69 position. It’s happened before. Indeed, it occurred in one our very first recordings, and it makes me smile to watch you. And I felt you swinging my legs apart every time they naturally came together, which for some reason makes me giggle and is also reminiscent of those first few times we were together. Sometimes it feels as though you cannot get enough of me...maybe even that you cannot get close enough to me. And it’s like sex is secondary to the desire to hold me. Last night was one of those nights.

You never even allowed yourself to finish last night. It just became all about touching me, teasing me, pleasuring me. Until finally, I was left panting and spent. And you collapsed beside me, a smile on your face, and you drifted off to sleep. Sometimes I wonder where we are going with all this, when it seems we’re all about sex and not much more, but then you kiss me all over my body and take the time to pleasure me, never expecting anything in return but to have me close to you. And I know that it’s become something more than a good time.
3 Comments
Joyful, Joyful, Joyful
Posted:Sep 25, 2020 2:07 pm
Last Updated:Oct 18, 2020 7:10 pm
2987 Views
I received a video compilation of some recordings I’ve been making with Edward. It’s 1:09 seconds chosen from hours and hours of our play. The last clip of the compilation begins with laughing at something he said
as I’m approaching his cock. Only, you can’t really tell what’s going on without a little bit of context. So basically it looks like someone (me) who has never been so happy in her entire life because I’m about swallow his cock. I could try convince myself that he a. Enjoys looking at my face and b. Enjoys knowing how much I enjoy being with him, which would explain why this bit ended up on the compilation, but maybe I just really look like some joyful cumslut, who wanted his cock so bad I was delirious. But then again, it’s really just hard know what he thinks. After all, the other night when he smiled at me and said it was because he really enjoyed my hands on his body, it wasn’t my hands he was staring at but my face. And that’s the kind of thing that truly makes me joyful.
2 Comments
Everything Is Sexier With You
Posted:Sep 24, 2020 7:14 pm
Last Updated:Sep 25, 2020 4:58 am
3025 Views

He had told me he thought he’d be free all day due to the weather, but then he fell asleep and I didn’t hear from him. It was much later in the day when my phone went off. He expressed regret for missing an opportunity to spend the day with me. Undeterred, I said he could fix it, and he asked me how. I said I didn’t know. That’s why he was the creative one. This seemed to do the trick. Our evening was planned in no time at all. Soon after, I arrived at the designated spot. He was already there, waiting for me. I took note of the camera set up on the counter and the various toys on the shelf and the fact that the straps were already in place on the bed. I sprawled across the bed, and he shed his clothing and lay down next to me. We talked for a little while, and then he asked me if I would be willing to apply some Gold Bond’s cream to his dry skin. Of course! I love touching and teasing him, and it would be fun as a warm up to foreplay. He told me it felt fucking awesome, which always pleases me, and then I lay down next to him again, my hands gently stroking his chest. I glanced up to see him staring at me, smiling broadly. I asked what that was about and he said he was just enjoying my hands on his body. There’s always that hint of raw emotion. The smile on his face pierced my heart and soul, and the way he was looking into my eyes made me feel like he was both seeking and offering. He rolled over on his side and began to kiss me. Sometimes his kisses are sparing, but last night’s were bountiful and intense. It was like he was hungrier than usual, and I was his meal. I felt more cognizant of his actions after that, and then once he blindfolded me and strapped me to the bed, I became more aware of every action. Every kiss and its placement held meaning. The ones on my face, the ones on my breasts, the ones on my belly, which were brand new and endearing. I’m hoping for the recording to follow soon. I long to relive each and every moment. I recognized most of the toys he used on me and found excitement in each one’s sensation. But there was the one time when he entered me and placed a toy inside me as well. I came with so much force that I nearly flew off the bed and loosened my ankle straps. I could hear him laughing at me as he swung my legs apart to keep me from controlling the orgasms. I could hear the smile in his voice as flogged me just a little harder for telling him I planned to tickle him as soon as I could get a hold of him. There were so many delightful moments shared with him, and everything was sexier still because I felt that he genuinely cares for me and wanted to be there with me above all else. Each moment with him is filled with jubilation but also the wonder of what the future holds. Another night of passion, another recording to relive again and again until the next digital footprint is recorded for the remembrance of the past, the excitement of the present, and the promise of the future.
3 Comments
Liars and Lovers and Friends
Posted:Sep 23, 2020 2:55 pm
Last Updated:Sep 24, 2020 9:45 am
3079 Views

So what am I supposed to do? Am I supposed to tell you that I lied to you when I told you that it was just fun for me because I didn’t want to tell you that I was already attached to you on some level? Should I tell you now that it was too late for me already? That I had already caught feelings for you? That I was already petrified of the idea of never seeing you again that I told you you meant nothing to me? And ever since that day, I’ve tried to pretend that it’s been nothing but fun when all along it’s fun but also gut wrenchingly painful, too? These are things I could never tell you. For as painful as it is to pretend, it would be a million times worse to never see you again. And I hate the fact that I cannot tell you how I feel. I hate that I’ve lied, but what else am I supposed to do? And what would you do if you were ever faced with the truth? And the lie was out of my mouth before I could even think about it. It just came out. I planted an easy going smile on my face and told you that we were just having fun and I didn’t want to stop. And, oh, how I wish I had told you the truth when maybe I could have walked away with at least a piece of my heart intact, but then again, I wish that you had told me from the beginning that you would never let yourself fall for me. And still, when you ask me what I’m thinking or you want me to share what’s on my mind, the only thing I know to do is smile and share the most trivial thoughts I can think of to continue to perpetuate the lie that I’m just with you for the fun of it.
4 Comments
Contemplations
Posted:Sep 22, 2020 8:26 am
Last Updated:Sep 23, 2020 3:38 pm
3151 Views

I recognize I carry these deep battle scars within me. Suffering, well, enduring, well, receiving sexual stimulation at an early age has me fucked up still at 45. The reality is that promiscuity and wild sex turn me on. I get off on inappropriate behavior. I want to be a bad girl. I crave sex. At the same time I know that I need love and affection and decency and quality time from someone with whom I am having all this sex. And that’s what I can’t seem to get together. I think the crazy wild sex games are perfectly fine, but I deserve to have those things in a loving environment and not at random. And I forget one while in search of the other.

The crazy thing is that whether it’s incidental, accidental, or staged, Edward shows me love and affection when he and I are physically together. I just need him to show me these things whether he and I are in the bedroom or not. And if it isn’t going to be him, then I deserve someone else who will do that for me.

Furthermore and unfortunately, I also cannot discern whether or not I truly crave all this bad girl behavior or if I would heal myself maybe that desire to be a freak would go away. I’m not sure I want to know the answer to this question. I mean, what is so wrong with being a freak who enjoys lots and lots of sex? I’d like to think that even if I were completely healed I’d still be this slutty girl...only more in control of the emotional aspects. I’d also like to think that I would go out and find emotionally safe people who also enjoy the kink.

Edward sometimes points out to me that he is fucked up in the head. And I need to point out to him that so am I. And that it could very well be our emotionally damaged selves that found one another. Our healed selves could do the same. It’s why I don’t give up on people. I see the good in him. It’s written all over his face. It’s in his voice, his laughter, his demeanor. He’s a pure soul with a fucked up heart. He’s just like me, only cuter. Fucked up or healed or somewhere in between, he’s a part of me, and he’s made me see the light in so many ways. Maybe that’s why we met. Maybe he’s my pathway to healing. Either way, I’m grateful for him. Either way, I hope he sticks around.
3 Comments
The pursuit of pleasure; the pursuit of you
Posted:Sep 21, 2020 11:24 am
Last Updated:Sep 22, 2020 3:50 pm
3350 Views

Several weeks ago, you used this toy on me that had me doing something that was beyond a moan. There was some genuine hollering going on. In the video, you can be seen pulling away and laughing. You said people would hear and think you were trying to murder me. I said “let me die happy.” I was laughing, too, but I was also recovering from the intensity of an amazing orgasm as well as grieving the removal of pleasure. This past weekend, you commented on whether or not we could solve the noise issue. I said I didn’t care if people heard me. You said you didn’t care, either, but you didn’t want someone to call the police on us because it sounded like you were murdering me. Then you joked about the police showing up and asking if you were holding me against my will. Never that! I always want to be with you, and you can hold me down however you like. You brought the toy back, and there were plenty of loud noises, though I was a little better prepared and also buried my face in a pillow. You were relentless in the pursuit of pleasuring me to the point that I gasped for air after multiple orgasms left me breathless and asked if you were trying to kill me after all. Again, my only regret is the absence of recording. I want to see you. I long to watch the look on your face, the effort, the longing, the desire, and the love I’ve seen coming from you. It helps me carry on when we are not together.
3 Comments
Red Cheeks For You
Posted:Sep 20, 2020 10:56 am
Last Updated:Sep 24, 2020 9:44 am
3553 Views

Of course, the night wasn’t all about me. You handed me the flogger and said you knew it was my favorite...you also knew you needed a sound flogging. I did my best. You were on your back, and your knees were out in a butterfly pattern. I gave you a few lashes to the inside of your thighs. You smiled at me. I said I didn’t know what you were smiling for as it was about to get bad. This only made you smile more. Indeed you grinned at me and chuckled as you repeated “things are about to get bad.” I remember thinking I could do some damage to you as I applied pressure to one of your legs with my knee. I could have held you in place and whipped you good. But I don’t have it in me to really cause you any discomfort. Instead, I rolled you over and turned your cheeks red. Afterward, when you took over and had me in a frenzy of delight, you said you managed to do so even without lashing me. I told you it was because you deserved a beating, and I didn’t. Touché, you replied. Touché. But what are you actually guilty of, my love? I wish I knew the truth. Right now, the most I know is that you are not by my side every night, and I’m so lonely without you.

And have no fear, my cheeks turned red at some point, too.
4 Comments
Always Wanting More
Posted:Sep 19, 2020 9:15 pm
Last Updated:Sep 23, 2020 6:50 am
3591 Views

We didn’t record us during last night’s activities. Oddly, I feel as though I missed out. Yes, I missed out on seeing the expression of joy on your face as you trailed kisses up and down my back and played with my hair, and I missed out on the amusement and excitement on your face as you exercised your creativity on my wet pussy. I would love to see your eyes as you filled me with your beautiful cock and then pulled it out of me before you could cum just to play some more. And then I think about the toys you used on me and how your hand operated them to provide me with exquisite pleasure. I find myself responding to those toys, to your hand, to your mouth. I am much more hesitant when it comes to your cock, though it has nothing to do with desire. Indeed, it is quite the opposite. For when you put your cock inside me I never want it to end. I can stay there holding you inside me forever. I love feeling the weight of your body on mine and your heat and your breath on my cheek. And the urgency with which you dive in and out of me makes me crave you all the more. And if I could only hold you there forever, there wouldn’t be times of loneliness to experience after such incredible bliss.
4 Comments
Lost
Posted:Sep 11, 2020 9:47 am
Last Updated:Sep 12, 2020 5:15 am
3956 Views

I’ve been here before

I’ve been lonely

Sad

Rejected

Dejected

Lost

It’s not a new feeling

And I know I will be fine

But I hate that we ended up this way

I still see the look on your face the last time I saw you

There was no sign of this

No look that said you’d be leaving me

In fact, it was quite the opposite

If anything, I saw a look of love

Of desire

Of contentment

Of peace

And I’ve been here before

I know I will be fine

I just wish I could understand how it happened

With someone who still wanted me
2 Comments
Places I’ll Remember
Posted:Sep 10, 2020 8:25 pm
Last Updated:Sep 11, 2020 12:02 am
4075 Views

It’s normally a comfortable setting

At least it’s always been a bed but for the night in the hot tub

But maybe it’s a secret desire

Maybe we all just want to know what it’s like to get laid

In the back of a Jeep Grand Cherokee Laredo

At the top of a mountain of a hill it took forever to reach

The night closed in on us

Only the light from the dashboard clock allowed me to see you looking at me

But I stared back at you just the same

Knowing you were smiling at me

Knowing you were thinking how much you love me

Knowing you will miss me when we part ways until we meet again
2 Comments
Wanted
Posted:Sep 10, 2020 3:10 pm
Last Updated:Sep 11, 2020 4:28 am
4203 Views

Wanted:
You must look at me like you think I’m beautiful

You must smile at me all the time

You must enjoy talking to me and listening to me even if I’m being ridiculous, which I often am.

You must laugh at me laughing at something you did to make me giggle

You must be able to make me giggle

You must be attentive

You must be creative

You must be gentle

You must also be forceful

You must be playful

You must kiss me...all over

You must enjoy watching my expressions

You must delight in knowing I’m enjoying myself

You must worship my entire body...but don’t touch my feet

You must ultimately be the more dominant one but enjoy letting me play at dominating you, too.
7 Comments
Playing Pretend
Posted:Sep 6, 2020 6:09 am
Last Updated:Oct 30, 2020 3:47 pm
4200 Views

I’m sure it’s never obvious
I’m certain you’ve never been able tell
But I have feelings
I’m all too real
My heart aches over your absences
It’s more than just my body that trembles at your touch
I’ve never told you
I’ve never shared my secrets
I’m silent
I smile
I laugh
I pretend
But oh my God, do I also hurt
When you go away
And I’ve never told you, it’s true
So I can’t blame you for never knowing
That the only thing I hate more than your leaving
Is the fear of you never coming bac
No, I don’t tell you that I have feelings for you
I just pretend that all is well
Even when things are far from perfect
Every time you go away
0 Comments

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 gymrat1974 45F
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