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What do men find sexy in women these days? Describe the ideal height, race, hair, body type, personality type? Is it what we see in magazines or is there a reality that the magazines just don't get?
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Fantasies...What's that about?
Posted:Aug 1, 2020 12:01 pm
Last Updated:Aug 5, 2020 4:49 pm
407 Views

Ok, right out of the g I will clarify that, in general, I understand what fantasies are and what they mean. This post is inspired by the number of times I engage with someone in American Sex Dates and they inevitably ask "What fantasies do you have?" or "Tell m3 about your fantasies". This question always feels awkward. Mostly because I feel what they really want 2 know are the sexual things I like but just don't want 2 ask that directly maybe. Or perhaps the person asking just wants 2 gauge how freaky I am or if there is some out of the box thing they've never thought of? Truthfully, at this age, there are not many things that I have NOT done (sexually) that I've wanted 2 try. Either way, It adds pressure in the American Sex Dates , because my answer 2 both of those questions is "No, there is nothing I've wanted 2 try that I haven't tried (sexually) and No, I don't have any fantasies, because I've tried what I've wanted 2 try". But when you answer NO, it feels like that implies (2 the person asking) that you're boring sexually or not creative, kinky or passionate. Which is not true. I'm all of those things, I just don't think fantasy questions are a good gauge of that. I feel there are other ways 2 discover those things about a person.

Not for nothing, 95% of the time, when I flip the question about fantasies 2 the person asking me, they usually have no answer. Or they just state things they like such as a 3some or jello wrestling, etc. lol. Which may be marginally interesting but usually doesn't create forward progress.

So what is the goal of the fantasy question? Make conversation? Get aroused by someone else's fantasy? Proclaim you can make it come true? Get ideas for yourself? Figure out if this person is kinky enough for you?

Maybe it's just that I don't look at passionate sexual encounters with a lover in terms of fantasy or trying 2 fulfill a fantasy. Ultimately, I want an intimate experience with a compatible partner where we can be as kinky, free and passionate as we want and create memorable experiences for both of us. I want that reality. As a result, I don't have some super kinky narrative ready 2 share about some fantasy that I've always dreamed of.

Fantasy, as far as I can tell, are things that are improbable or impossible. I think most sexual endeavors these days fall in the category of probable or possible.

I'd love your thoughts on the fantasy question when trying 2 connect with someone. Is it helpful or no? Do you have an answer 2 the fantasy question for yourself?
13 Comments
We Know Why We're Here
Posted:May 24, 2020 3:02 pm
Last Updated:Jun 30, 2020 5:56 pm
2633 Views

I've gotten a few messages and seen several statuses on profiles that say "We know why we're here". That's awfully presumptuous. lol Who is included in that 'we'?

WE know why we're here?

Correction. YOU know why YOU'RE here. You have no idea why anyone else is here or their expectations. You hope their expectations and desires are the exact same as yours. But that's not how this works. Everyone is here for their own individual reasons. Their own individual desires. This is NOT a 'one size fits ' situation. Projecting what you want onto everyone else only sets you up for disappointment and misunderstandings.

I'm tempted 2 answer one of those messages with this reply:

"Yes, we DO know why we're here. So you like having sex in front of police stations during shift change also?! Cool. Hmu."

Disclaimer: I do not like having sex in front of police stations. The above statement is for entertainment purposes only and is subject 2 copywrite infringement laws.
21 Comments
Let Your First Step Be Your Best Step
Posted:May 22, 2020 12:56 pm
Last Updated:Aug 1, 2020 12:24 pm
2232 Views

Let your first step be your best step.

You (and you know who you are) want 2 entice someone into having sex with you, or sexual chat, or phone sex or whatever you are looking for. I get it. Could we just agree that you can't approach real women the same way you approach fake profiles, cam girls or "professionals"? I mean those categories of people are looking for a business transaction. So you can skip some of the pleasantries, I suppose. However, the elusive "real women" that so many claim to be nonexistent here are actually here and can be enticed with courtesy. That, along with an approach that shows you want to like her before you bed her and vice versa.

Please for the love of Febreeze and mini hamsters, stop doing these things:

-Asking if I want to meet you as your introduction. Sight unseen. You may not care what i look like, or my first name, or my personality. But I care about those things.

-Saying you "want what I want", when you state in your profile you want couples, partner swaps and orgies

-Having one conversation with me and then coming back 2 weeks or 2 months later and expect me to remember who you are and pick up where we left off. You blew your window. Your actions showed me all I need to know about your level of interest. Plus....I've moved on.

-Thinking that occasional 2 minute exchanges about the weather or 'how my day was' translate into us getting 2 know each other or having chemistry. Chit chat is nice, but idle chat over a couple of days does not a connection make.

-Asking a question that I give a complete and nuanced answer by typing my fingers the bone (lol) and then when I ask you that same question, you say "ditto". Put some effort into conversation. You hate one word answers and WE hate one word answers. Balance the conversation.

-Behaving as though it's a "done deal" because YOU are attracted to me, but not caring whether or not I am attracted to you. (A "professional" worker is what you seek in this scenario where your looks and personality don't matter.)

-Treating me like I'm a business transaction instead of a real woman with a brain, heart and choice.

Please just recognize who you are dealing with before you approach them. Most of the time that just means approach like this is a person you like or want to like, instead of one that you expect to pleasure you just cause you want it.

Let your first step be your best step.

(Side Note: I realize some of these points are a bit redundant to a few of my recent posts. I just happen to have more to say lately, lol. Don't worry blog land, it will pass. I'll go silent soon as I only blog in phases.) lol
8 Comments
What is the desired outcome?
Posted:May 15, 2020 12:19 pm
Last Updated:Jun 26, 2020 7:47 am
2183 Views

I enjoy this site. Despite the short comings and glitches. I'm a woman, who enjoys sexual things, or more specifically sharing intimacy and sex with someone. I enjoy reading blogs, stories, watching videos, it's stimulating. There are just some things I don't get from some of the people who engage me here. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy chatting with people in hopes of making the connection I seek. But you have to go through a lot of...."this is not gonna work" kind of scenarios....before you get to....."now that's what I'm talkin' bout". lol

That said.....could someone explain what the desired outcome or response is when these things happen:

1. When you engage me in conversation, it's going well, and you randomly send me a pic of your dick with no warning or indication that I even want to see it.--- What's the desired outcome?

2. When you engage me in conversation, but you have nothing to say. -- What's the desired outcome?

3. When you engage me in conversation and you say something that YOU think is funny, but I don't get your humor because it's text and you're a stranger...then you tell me to "lighten up"? --- Does anyone respond positively to someone saying they should lighten up? What's the desired outcome?

4. When you engage me in conversation and because I won't immediately send you a nude photo or meet you right away or allow you to treat me like a on demand. You tell me that I need to go to a regular dating site. -- What's the desired outcome?

5. When you send a random message about if I wanna fuck, or suck cock, or ask "interested?" (when I don't know you from Adam and we've never spoken). -- What's the desired outcome?

6. When you engage me in conversation, but during the chat it's clear you are not engaged or focused on the chat, because you disappear for long periods of time as though you're doing chores or talking to someone else and I'm a place keeper. --- What's the desired outcome?

7. When you engage me in conversation, and the first thing you say is "Hi, I'm so bored." Telling me right out of the gate that you may be boring and have nothing to offer in a chat, and that you expect me to entertain you, and that you had no interest in my profile or me, beyond helping you combat restlessness. (Just what every woman wants to hear, lol) --- What is the desired outcome?

It's confusing. People seem to want to connect for sex or whatever, but they constantly do things that have the opposite effect. How do you keep trying the same tactics and then get bitter when you don't see a different result?

Just needed to get that out. Feel better now. Lol
6 Comments
I Am Real
Posted:Mar 6, 2020 5:39 pm
Last Updated:Jun 10, 2020 8:00 am
5075 Views

I'm a real woman, with real desires, passion, intelligence, eroticism, creativity and a willingness to explore all of that with another. Skin against skin, eyes on eyes....bliss. It's something I seek to share with someone of like mind. I enjoy intimacy and sexual exploration, soft, hard, dirty, clean and anything in between.

I'm real and I'm asking for real in return. This doesn't mean we will definitely be a match, but if you are real and the chemistry is there, we could BE the match that lights the flame we both seek. If any of this is confusing, let me try to explain my thoughts on the matter.

Real is making contact count. If you tap me to chat, let's chat. Balance is key, both contributing to the flow. Either way it goes, let's part respectfully and wish each other luck.

Real is being open and engaging authentically. Let's talk and enjoy the moment. When you enjoy the moment, you create the energy to allow something to happen.

Real is allowing the space for us to lean into it. Asking me 'do you suck cock?' right out of the gate pushes you away from getting what you want. Asking me that same question after we've had a great conversation and started to vibe will get you that answer and possibly more.

Real is remembering we are all just people looking to find what we want. We are ALL awkward at times, make mistakes, feel insecure and want to feel satisfied. Treat me as if we have that in common, with compassion, and I will treat you the same in return.

I realize not every contact turns into a connection. That's ok. I still prefer to enjoy the journey. My thoughts here won't resonate with everyone and that is perfectly fine. These are just my thoughts. To those of you who resonate with these thoughts, I look forward to trying this out with you and making the most of this social experience.

I am real and I look forward to connecting with someone who chooses to be that very same thing.
14 Comments
Standard Contact....thoughts?
Posted:May 18, 2019 2:12 pm
Last Updated:Dec 4, 2019 8:46 pm
5091 Views

I have a hard time with some o f the Standard Members who contact me. Note I said SOME. We all make a choice to either pay for membership or not pay. I have no quarrel with whatever your choice is, but given that, I don't feel the need to have to do double work because someone chooses not to pay.

It's a little annoying when someone contacts you who has not read your profile, that you carefully wrote so as not to waste anyone's time, but they expect you to be open to spoon feeding them things they could have known if they read it. It would save us both some time, at least a little, if they did. They contact me and expect me to tell them what my profile says because they can't read it. Why is that my issue? Not to mention, if they can't read my profile, that means they contacted me randomly, and I didn't peak their interest, except for the fact that I'm a female and happened to be online.

Inevitably, when I do attempt to give a standard member a chance (which I do sometimes) they don't have anything to say. So it doesn't give much incentive to want to give them a chance because I get approached in the exact ways that I mention in my profile that I don't want to be approached. Then they get offended if I'm not interested as if somehow I inconvenienced them just because they chose a free membership and can't see anything.

Now don't get me wrong, sometimes Gold members don't read profiles either and it's the same issue. But based on odds, more of them have the ability to read my profile than free members. Those that don't suffer the same fate as standards who don't read it.

I'm not trying to be mean, but if you put in minimal effort and just sign up for a free membership and put no info on your profile, and contact people thinking they should service you, without you bringing anything to the table (not even good conversation) then good luck with that. The site lied to you, you can't expect effortless sex.

I don't feel obligated to entertain someone who approaches me in an off putting way and then asks me to do all the work to catch them up because they don't want a paid membership.

That said, I have engaged a few standard members who were great and enjoyable because they did take the time to fill out a profile and say something about themselves, they really knew how to approach a woman and hold a fantastic conversation. It's just hard because so many don't do that, so I always pause and have to decide if it's worth it to answer a contact if they are a standard.

It may sound like I'm decided on this issue, but I am a little torn, so hoping to get some other perspectives from you all. I'm always willing to learn and adapt, so your thoughts are appreciated.

QUESTION:

1. What's your take on standards contacting you if you are a paid member?
11 Comments
Reasons
Posted:May 17, 2019 7:47 pm
Last Updated:Mar 7, 2020 1:59 pm
5287 Views

I really understand everyone is here for a reason. Those reasons are numerous and vary from person to person. But no matter my reason for being here, it's no one's business except mine and it's not for discussion. I don't owe any explanation, but I'll provide one of sorts here anyway. The context for these thoughts are men who want to know "Why are you here" AFTER I say I'm not interested for whatever reason.

NOTE: I'm not talking about the obligatory question of 'what are you looking for?' when we are trying to get to know each other. It's important to have discussion if we choose to start a conversation.

As far as "why I'm here", whether it's to fuck everything that moves, fuck only one person, read blogs or watch videos, they are my reasons. And as I move through the offerings of this place and test the waters I choose to dip my toe in, I will go all in when I find whatever suits my fancy. As everyone here has a right to do.

So if you want to engage with me and my reason for being here does not match yours, please know it's not an insult to you, my wants/desires do not reflect all women here, nor does it mean I'm fake. It means I will do whatever it is I came here to do on my terms and I hope you do the same. Believe it or not, I can be on this site and not specifically want what someone else wants. That's ok for everyone concerned.

The same thing I just mentioned applies if someone IMs me and immediately tries to show me their cock pics or any other naked pics; or ask "do you want your pussy licked" as a way of saying hello (instead of just saying hello). I get it that they were horny when they sent me the IM , but I'm not always on because I'm horny. Sometimes I just want stimulating conversation with an interesting person. And sometimes.....wait for it....I don't respond because I'm already talking to someone. Or I just don't feel like chatting but can't get the site to stop showing I'm on IM . So please don't try to force your preference of the moment on me. If I'm able and to respond to an IM , I will. If we chat and hit it off, who knows where the conversation may go.

My reasons are mine. Your reasons are yours. Good luck to everyone on indulging in whatever it is you came to do. I hope you find what you seek without explanation or apology.

6 Comments
The Secret to Successful Encounters
Posted:Jan 7, 2018 7:30 pm
Last Updated:Feb 29, 2020 7:00 pm
15099 Views

I haven't posted anything in a long time, but just felt like expressing some things tonight. I very much enjoy reading the blogs of others here on the site. A common topic of the blogs seem to be men saying they just can't connect with women here and women saying the ones that try to connect fall way short of being respectful or desirable enough to connect with (more because of their approach since that's all we have to go on initially). After reading through all those things, I thought I would throw my two cents in on that subject with things that make me want to engage with a man on this site. I can't speak for all women, but hopefully, my personal opinion would be helpful to someone. So here goes. I will engage and respond to a man on this site IF:

1) He reads my profile and can discern if we are looking for the same things BEFORE contacting me.

2) His initial contact to me is respectful and thoughtful.

3) If once he contacts me, whether it be via email or IM, that he actually has something to say and does not expect me to provide info already listed in my profile or expects me to ask 20 questions to get info out of him. If you tap me to talk to you, then talk to me and be ready to have a conversation. I am NOT your cure for boredom and horniness (as I have been told many times in messages and on IM).

Side NOTE: It's not helpful to just say the word "hello" in an email. The only thing you can say back IF you respond is 'hello'. There's nothing to respond to. Also, rude sexual one liners or propositions are an immediate deletion with no response forthcoming (ever). Same is true on IM. if you message someone on IM, don't ask questions that were answered in the profile (see Step 1 above). You can ask follow ups or dig deeper into profile info, but don't ask me to reiterate what I want or what I'm looking for, if I already stated it there.

4) He treats me like someone he LIKES instead of someone he wants to fuck (initially Get to know me, let me get to know you. Then possibly we will be both of those things to each other.

5) He knows what the "F" in FWB means and behaves accordingly. (i.e. don't ask me to meet right away or after one conversation).

6) He does NOT start off with sex talk in a first email, first contact and let's the conversation naturally flow to that subject (if it does) after we have at least exchanged some particulars.

7) He understands that even if I talk about sexual things with him, that does not mean that we click, have chemistry, are connecting or will meet. Anyone and EVERYONE can and does talk about sex on this site. That does not mean we are a match and it does not attract me to you. Your intellect, manners, conversation, and personality will do that for me. Then the sex talk is all the better.

8 ) He does not disappear from the universe after we had a great first conversation. If you want to GET something, then BUILD something. Put in the time.

I've had great first conversations with men, then I don't hear from them for a week, two, a month. Then they pop back up expecting to pick up where we left off. I don't let the grass grow under my feet if someone was not interested enough or intrigued enough to keep the dialogue going. Plus that is a big RED flag, that if you treat me that way before we are intimate, that's what it will be like after. So if you disappear, don't bother coming back. The moment has been lost.

9) He is genuine, kind, and mature.

10) He understands that the way to a woman's body is her mind.

I could say more, but I won't. I know I'm not dropping science here. Many women have expressed some form of these things as well. I just felt like adding my voice. Maybe if enough of us say it, then it will start to resonate and then we can all get to finding what we want.

Please be kind. No judgements. Everything that I ask in the above list, is something I'm willing to give as well. I hope this helps someone.

BONUS: Please don't send unsolicited pics of your cock. Don't ask me if I want a pic of your cock. If we get past all of the above and truly connect, then I will want more than a picture of it. A random stranger's cock does not make me want you or give you a leg up or create a connection that will lead to meeting. I love erotica, porn, sexual chat...but there has to be some level of knowing one another for that to be at all satisfying.
12 Comments
What is the desired outcome?
Posted:May 15, 2020 12:18 pm
Last Updated:Jun 10, 2020 10:49 am
2309 Views

I enjoy this site. Despite the short comings and glitches. I'm a woman, who enjoys sexual things, or more specifically sharing intimacy and sex with someone. I enjoy reading blogs, stories, watching videos, it's stimulating. There are just some things I don't get from some of the people who engage me here. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy chatting with people in hopes of making the connection I seek. But you have go through a lot of...."this is not gonna work" kind of scenarios....before you get ....."now that's what I'm talkin' bout". lol

That said.....could someone explain what the desired outcome or response is when these things happen:

1. When you engage me in conversation, it's going well, and you randomly send me a pic of your dick with no warning or indication that I even want see it.--- What's the desired outcome?

2. When you engage me in conversation, but you have nothing say. -- What's the desired outcome?

3. When you engage me in conversation and you say something that YOU think is funny, but I don't get your humor because it's typed and you're a stranger...then you tell me 'lighten up'? --- Does anyone respond positively 2 someone saying they should lighten up? What's the desired outcome?

4. When you engage me in conversation and because I won't immediately send you a nude photo or meet you right away or allow you to treat me like a on demand, you tell me that I need to go to a regular dating site. -- What's the desired outcome?

5. When you send a random message asking if I wanna fuck, or suck cock, or ask "interested?" (when I don't know you from Adam and we've never spoken). -- What's the desired outcome?

6. When you engage me in conversation, but during the chat it's clear you are not engaged or focused on the chat, because you disappear for long periods of time as though you're doing chores or talking to someone else and I'm a place keeper. --- What's the desired outcome?

7. When you engage me in conversation, and the first thing you say is "Hi, I'm so bored." Telling me right out of the gate that you may be boring and have nothing to offer in a chat, and that you expect me to entertain you, and that you had no interest in my profile or me, beyond helping you combat restlessness. (Just what every woman wants to hear, lol) --- What is the desired outcome?

It's confusing. People seem to want to connect for sex or whatever, but they constantly do things that have the opposite effect. How do you keep trying the same tactics and then get bitter when you don't see a different result?

Just needed to get that out. Feel better now. Lol
10 Comments
Lust and Narcissism
Posted:Nov 30, 2019 4:03 pm
Last Updated:Dec 8, 2019 3:00 pm
4951 Views

Lust can make people narcissistic and delusional. Not all people, but some. What brought this thought head was a recent "U tube" rabbit hole of videos of that show that was about catching online predators (you know the , with a house, a decoy and C. Hansen comes in and asks the perp "have a seat on that stool"). Anyway.... In listening to and watching the behaviors of the perps, it was hard not to connect that to some folks here on this site.

These guys literally have nothing of substance to say, they are talking to younger people and the thing in mind is sex. More specifically, the sex they want. More specifically the selfish fantasies and fetishes they have all worked in their mind. In the first few minutes of convo they are asking things like "you like masturbate?", "you want suck cock", "I can teach you some things?".....All very creepy. However, it is all about their pleasure and their attraction these young, pretty people; but mostly about their fantasy. Now we know that what they are doing is 1000% wrong. I'm not condoning or endorsing it. Just pointing out that on top of their degenerate desires, they NEVER, at any time, are concerned with the other persons thoughts, feelings, or pleasure. Part of the evidence is their general appearance and/or hygiene in most cases. SO....they want to manipulate someone with a pulse to allow them to carry out their lustful desires, but whatever the other person wants is irrelevant. They show up all greasy, stinky and clearly lied about their age, but think somehow, in the flesh, this young person is going to be all about what's in their sick mind. That's not criminal but it's delusion on a whole other level.

I notice this dynamic here with some folks (NOT meaning people here are criminal, just the behavior aspect of it). I've had so many men instantly start talking about sex, cocks, what they want do (not with ). Along with trying convince that I would like some weird fetish they want impose. It's like all they see is their selfish need.....they don't care what I want or need, or if I even get pleasure. They don't care if I find them attractive. It's almost like they ASSUME that you just find them attractive, but if you don't...he thinks, ." " gives a shit. As long as she gives what I want AND I can get it done quickly, she'll be too polite to say 'no', before she realizes I'm full of shit and not remotely the lover I bragged about being".

Lust makes people lose sight of anything except getting what they want and it makes them treat others like a meal to be consumed for their nourishment and then thrown away once they're full.

Does lust make people narcissistic? Thoughts. Please refrain from the "All guys think with the wrong head" comments. Lust effects both men and women. I speak from the perspective of a woman has dealt with men.

NOTE: I realize this is not ALL people here. I am also NOT implying that I am some great beauty either in discussing the lack of attractiveness of the folks mentioned. This is me venting some thoughts that came up after watching a few videos of some guys in action.
9 Comments
Are you attractive?
Posted:Apr 8, 2018 1:38 pm
Last Updated:Mar 7, 2020 11:07 am
12395 Views

Do people recognize where they fall in the spectrum of physical attractiveness? We've all heard things like "he/she is out of my league" or "he/she is a 10". Plus many other identifiers of 'beauty/attractiveness'. But my question is, how do people rate themselves? And are they realistic and accurate about it?

We've all seen the young Instagram "models" (girls/guys). Most of us would probably say they are objectively pretty or handsome (hot even). But the average person doesn't look like that whether there is a filter or not.

We hear the cliche that beauty is only skin deep all the time. People say that as if they can (and do) look past physical appearance and truly bond with someone because of their personality and inner beauty. I have always subscribed to the notion that I'm one of those inner beauty people. But is that really true?

A few things made me think of this. One was that I have had great online conversations with several people who I later met. I was attracted to their minds and banter, but in person, I didn't feel a spark (I guess that was the chemistry factor). So strike that lol. But we always exchanged pics and sometimes videos before meeting, so I already knew what they looked like before we met. I guess it really was just physical chemistry not being there I suppose.

Another example is that I have had a few conversations and been attracted to someone, but then when we exchanged photos, I was not attracted physically. I assume that is a natural reaction for both men and women, but somehow it makes me feel a little shallow. And hypocritical for always thinking that I was the "beauty is only skin deep" type of person.

The third thing that brought all this up is that some of the men I've chatted with have told me they thought I was beautiful once we exchanged pictures, a few even said hot. I accept the compliment graciously, but don't always believe it because this is a sex site and I don't post a profile pic, yet I still get guys telling me I'm "beautiful or hot or sexy" without ever having laid eyes on me or even having a conversation. So I'm a little hard pressed to believe it as anything more than empty flattery (sometimes).

The final thing that brought this to mind is that I have read profiles and spoken with people who said they were "attractive" or "good looking" or "others tell them they are good looking". But when I see their picture, well let's just say, they might have overstated their looks. (I'm guilty of this too, I'm not trying to say I'm all that. On some level we probably all think we are at least "ok" looking to ourselves.)

Long story long, I got to thinking about what I actually think about my looks and level of attractiveness (outward). I tend to think that I'm a good person on the inside. I think I have that inner beauty that is spoken of in folk lore lol, but what do I think about my outer beauty? The most I could admit to myself is that I don't think I'm unattractive. I'm a decent looking woman, slightly pretty possibly. That is hard to admit and even harder to know if it is true. I guess i just want to believe that about myself.

I know this post is jumping around to cover a few different issues, but mainly I was curious as to how you all out there see yourselves?

1) Do you think of yourself as attractive/beautiful?

2) Do you expect other people to see your inner beauty regardless of looks in terms of intimate connections?

3) Are you more attracted to the inner beauty or outer in terms of intimate connections? If so, would you 'get with' someone solely based on inner beauty?

NOTE: I get it that "beauty is in the eye of the beholder". I realize that for most of us, we want BOTH, the whole package. Inner and outer beauty (at least what we see as beautiful). But I just mean in terms of a casual sexual relationship or whatever you seek on this site, how do you see yourself and what drives you more in terms of inner/outer attraction to others if you were to be totally and COMPLETELY honest.

Thanks in advance for sharing your thoughts.
12 Comments

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